The past two weeks have been happily spent running around London, Leeds, and York.
As The Boyfriend puts it, there’s photographer fodder no matter where I look, and I’ve rarely ever been this shutter happy.
I’ve taken to posting my photos on Instagram, and for the first time since I started my account, there’s some regularity in my posts. As things go on social media platforms, the consistency of the posts have increased the responses and interaction I’ve had on Instagram.
This is really new to me, but the unintended side effect is I’ve begun to get high on the number of likes (even if they rarely go past 10). and I’ve found myself thinking more and more about how people are going to react to what I post. The thinking can be paralysing.
I used to think that this kind of posting anxiety only happened to another subset of the population, and never really thought I’d be too concerned.
But alas, here I am, curating my posts. I used to post things more for myself than for anything else.
Now I’ve developed the need, not want, need to be liked by strangers on the internet. Strangers who I’m probably never going to meet or even have an online conversation with.
But to be honest, this need has not been isolated to Instagram posts. It’s spread to Facebook as well. But it’s a different sort of anxiety because these people I actually know and interact with in real life.
With them I suddenly want to make sure that what I post resonates with them, and that I should sound witty and well read. There’s a certain pressure I put myself under to be considered cool by the people I’m connected to. I’ve been wanting to impress these people.
Which I just realised, is completely stupid.
In real life, there are but a few people I really, really like enough to go out of my way to see. These people I’ve never felt the need to impress. We get on quite fine even when my silly, sometimes dumb side comes out.
All the other people, I think are great, but I don’t like them as much, so why should it matter?
So now that that epiphany has been had, I can now go back to posting for myself. Releasing my thoughts and sharing my experiences just because I want to and not because I think it’s going to get more likes.
This kind of not giving a damn is liberating.